im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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