I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
