she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
