Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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