Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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