Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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