I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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