Porn is love you can see.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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