since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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