Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
