god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
