Pants 0. Shit 1.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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