My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
