come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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