i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
