The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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