We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
