I heard we made out
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
