Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
