We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
