Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
