my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize