I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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