I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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