I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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