Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
