Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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