you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
