Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
