i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
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If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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