So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
