I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
