Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
