You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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