I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Randomize
