i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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