There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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