Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
