Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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