the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
