Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How's work?
Spinning.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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