Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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