4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
