remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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