did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
