the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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