You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
