dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
