Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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