No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
