Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
