Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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