He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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