I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
