I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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