I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
