you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
im on a boat
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