you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
