Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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