Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
