I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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