I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
