She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize