We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
