Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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