You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
