I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
