I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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