didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
