Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
