she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
