Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
