i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I will pee on everything he values.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
