Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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