If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
