He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
