I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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