for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
